“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.”
How much is enough? Am I enough? Am I doing too much? Am I doing too little?
All of these are thoughts that have crossed my mind thousands and thousands of times over the years in relation to so many aspects of my life and how I am “performing.” I have taken these thoughts and turned them into spinning wheels that never stop. I have felt that there is ALWAYS something else that I could do to perform better. There are times when I get home from an already busy day- and the to do list just keeps growing. It never ends.
Recently, this has gotten to a point where I can finally sense the rope unraveling. I am tired of trying so hard. i have stated to myself and to others that “I am doing too much” but have had no sense of what to or how to let go. It is the yuckiest, most anxious feeling and it has caused me to devote less time and energy to my reflection on the Lord, my most meaningful relationships, and serving well daily in my job.
Over the past several weeks, this concept of “resting in the midst” has been popping up everywhere. I have had multiple conversations with people that I love and care about that have simply spoken words of rest over me, I have read specific scripture that has blatantly emphasized the importance of rest, and this past Sunday i listened to an entire sermon dedicated to what true rest in Christ is.
The Lord has been teaching me that true rest is found not when we work so hard that we just HAVE to rest- true rest is found in the midst of the crazy days. True rest is found in knowing that we have a GOOD FATHER who is looking out for our best interest and already has our days set before us if we will just stop and listen to Him. We will never love our work if we are just working to get to the rest we have been spinning and toiling for. We will only love our work if we devote our every day to prayer, reflection, a restful mind, and a restful spirit.
In all honesty, my heart has been anxious and fearful recently. Filled with “what-ifs,” and “just get me to this day and then I can finally breathe.” But that is just NOT the life that our Good Father has in store for us!! That is not at all in His nature! If we truly believe we have a good, all-loving Father who provides for our every need- why do we not trust Him to give us rest?!
So instead of toiling and anxiously running from one check mark off the to-do list to the next, I am choosing to live intentionally. I am choosing to live with a mindset of resting in my savior because He desires to bring peace to my anxious heart. I am choosing to:
-Say “no” without fear of disappointing others
-Spend time in the word every day, no questions asked, and reflect on who Jesus is and how I have a good, good, Father who knows every detail of my life. Every single day.
-Stop measuring my performance on what I accomplish and start loving people better because of it.
-Start my day with a heart filled with gratitude instead of always needing “more” or “what’s next.” So much freedom to be found there!
May I rest in the promises of your love. May I be reminded of the love that you sing over me every day- the beautiful melody that you have written all over my life. You are not a God of anxiety, worry, or obsession over what’s next. You are a God of peace, eternal presence, rest, and lavish love. Calm my anxious heart and remind me of your rest in this season. In the midst-“fall”. Transition. Change after change. Jesus, you have marked my life with change. You have marked my life with redemption and victory. May I rest and rejoice in this today.